The Emptiness

The singing never seemed to stop. It was the whaling and moaning of screaming vocal chords. The more I tried to cover my ears, the singing only became louder. I tried to yell, but my voice was lost in the senseless noise all around me.
All at once the singing stopped, my ears ringing and then suddenly I could feel cold lips touch my ear.
“She is mine.” The voice whispered. In that moment I felt a panic greater than anything before. My heart almost stopped beating and the air was stolen from my lungs. I turn to find the voice, to find the body that it belongs to and rip its heart out. But all I reach for is a dark and lonely emptiness. I keep reaching, desperately throwing my hands out in front of me. My rage turns into fear and I keep trying to grab the emptiness. The voice is gone, replaced with silence. It’s all I can feel: the silence, the dark, the emptiness. It begins to engulf me until I’m just a hollow porcelain being, no longer who I once was, and then I’m falling. Faster and faster I’m falling and I close my eyes and brace for impact. But it never comes, only an eternity of falling into the emptiness.

                I wake up on hardwood floors. Slowly I sit up and take in my surroundings. It’s dark, just like my dream. For a minute I begin to panic and I can feel an attack coming, creeping into my mind and slowly I start to sway. But then I hear the stairs creek and I know I’m in the living room.
“Neil?” My little sister calls out. I sigh in relief. “Neil is that you?” She asks coming down the stairs. I stand up slowly. My shirt is drenched with sweat and my legs wobble as I walk. “Yeah, it’s me Sophie.”
I say and head towards her. The light from the streetlight seeps in through the curtains and I see tears on her face. “Mom said you were better…” Her voice quivers and my heart breaks.  I take a deep breath before kissing her on the forehead. “I’m fine Soph..I was just getting a glass of water.” I lie. She stares up at me, deciding if I’m lying or not. I smile down at her in reassurance. 
“If you were getting water..then where’s your glass?” She’s caught me. I swallow nervously, waiting for the next lie to fall from my lips. But before I can say anything she runs back up the stairs.
“Sophie, wait!” I try to call after her, but she’s already to the top. I want to scream until there’s nothing left of me.

                The next morning at breakfast Sophie won’t look me in the eye. It only makes it worse and I find myself biting my lip until it bleeds, peeling my nails until only stubs are left. Mom knows something is off.
“Neil is everything okay?” She asks. Ever since the incident, I’ve heard that question more than a dozen times. “Yeah I’m fine, just got a big exam this morning.” I lie and that’s when Sophie looks up at me. Her eyes stare into mine, cutting me into a thousand pieces. I know I deserve it.
                I’m pretty bad when I get to school. The dream flashes into my everyday consciousness, making me look twice over my shoulder. I meet Dave by the lockers and when he sees me he knows.
“Whoa Neil..you look like shit. What’s up man? What happened?” He asks. I tell him about the sleepwalking and the dream.
“The dream is back? Oh dude..I don’t know man maybe you should tell some-“ He grabs my arm and I realize it’s bleeding. I don’t even remember feeling my nails drag into my skin. “Neil.” He says. But I refuse to look him in the eye. If I look him in the eye I’m afraid he’ll see the emptiness slowly taking me over.
“I think you need help man, maybe you could talk to your Doctor..” He says. But I can’t hold it in anymore, I’m breaking inside.
“NO!” I yell taking back my arm. The blood trickles down onto the linoleum floor. Everyone in the hall stares at me as if they were expecting it. “You don’t get it DAVE! NO ONE DOES! IT ISN’T JUST SOME FUCKING DREAM OKAY? IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN! IT ALREADY ALMOST DID!” The memory of last year floods into my mind until I’m drowning in it.

~

                I’d been having the dream for weeks.  I didn’t tell anyone, just moved along like everyone else. But that night I was bad, I was on the floor practically tearing my hair out and the singing began. It was loud and screeching and it came closer and closer. I could feel the emptiness starting in my gut. It was taking me over and I couldn’t stop it. Something moved my legs and arms until I was at Sophie’s door. The voice screamed into my ears until I hovered above Sophie’s bed, the knife just inches away from her pale cheek. I try to move my arm, but the emptiness won’t let me. “Neil? NEIL?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” My mother screams and I can finally move my arm. I fall to my knees, the knife drops from my palm and I cry. “Help me!” I scream. My mother couldn’t see it in the darkness, but in the reflection from the knife I could see my eyes. They were pure black and empty.

~

                I run away from Dave and the scared curious eyes of the students. I run and run barely knowing where I’m going. The singing begins again, the high pitched wailing that makes me want to stab my ears. I run into the empty boys’ locker room. “LEAVE ME ALONE!” I try to scream over the singing. But I can feel the emptiness just like I did last time. It’s stronger this time, and faster. I curl my hands into fists and punch the lockers over and over again until my knuckles are bright red with blood. “YOU CAN’T HAVE HER! YOU CAN’T HAVE ME!” I scream. I run over to the mirror in the bathroom. One of my eyes is already black and empty and I can feel the rest of me turning. “NO!!” I scream, punching the mirror. I can’t let the Emptiness take me. Then I feel the cold lips, just like in my dream. “She will be mine.” It whispers. I reach for a piece of the broken mirror. My arm twitches, rebelling against me. I finally grab the piece trying to lift it towards my throat. It cuts into my hand. I see the black taking over my eye slowly and I know I have to do this. I have to save Sophie from myself, and the emptiness inside. I take a deep breathe. “For you Sophie.” I say and quickly slice into my neck.

               

                The singing turns into deep and guttural laughing. I wake up.
I’m sitting in a white room, bound in a strait jacket, and I panic. I begin to shake back and forth screaming until my throat is raw. “What’s wrong Neil?” The voice asks. “Did you have a nightmare?” I look over at the voice. Sophie smiles back at me, her eyes black and empty.