I See the Moon

I see the moon

and the moon sees me

The moon sees the somebody I'd like to see.

God bless the moon

and God bless me

God bless the somebody I'd like to see!

            Home alone again. He said he would be home late, but I guess that he isn’t coming at all. May stay at a friend’s house tonight, again. As usual. It’s become common for him to stay at a friend’s house when he would be working late, and he works late often. I once asked him why he just doesn’t come home, since he ends up here in the morning to shower and eat before taking off for work again, and he said that it was just easier this way.

            Looking at the little sliver of the moon that was left in the sky, I wondered if he could be cheating. And then I knew that he was, and I didn’t care. Of course he would be. Why wouldn’t he be? I’m nothing special and there are plenty of girls out there who are. Maybe even men, who knew. The moon.

            The moon can see everything, just like the sun. Only difference between the two is what they are more likely to see. The moon, it would see the secrets that we want to hide. It has two faces, so of course it would see the two faces that we all have. It would see his.

            I wished he was here, with me, and looked at the moon. I wondered what he was wishing for. Probably not to be married to me. He probably wished he were free of me. I could do that. I could give him that wish. All he would need to do is ask, and I would. Divorce, of course, not death. Although, that would make things easier, for me at least.

            Laying in a bed that’s not my own. Again. I don’t know why I do this to her. My wife. I love her, I care about her, I tell myself that as long as she doesn’t know it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt her. I look at the girl sleeping next to me. She’s my coworker. She thinks I’ll leave my wife for her even though I have told her many times that I won’t. I don’t know what to do to get rid of her and keep my wife in the dark.

            I look out of the window from the bed. I see the nail clipping of a moon and wonder if it would be too late to go home. I should, but my wife would smell the sex and perfume. And my coworker would get fussy. I just wanted some simple sex. I didn’t want this.

            Looking at the moon, I wonder what my wife is doing. I think about how I would feel if she were doing what I was doing and feel rage and jealousy. I know it isn’t fair, but nothing in life is. Would she accept me like this? Would she want to sleep with other men in return? I can’t think of it. My fists are in two tight fists and I need to calm down.

            I try to calm myself down and think of the sweet release death would give me. Everyone would be better off if I wasn’t around, I know this. I should, but there are people relying on me, and people I don’t want to give up. I wish things were simpler. I wish I was with my wife and I had her in the bed next to me. I look to the moon and wonder if she is wishing for anything. I hope she is wishing for me. I turn on my side, away from my coworker, and stare at the moon. I should give her a divorce, but I’m too greedy for that. Maybe I should just die.