“Hey Derek! Buddy!! I didn’t think you were gonna make it.” Joseph says slapping me on my back. The order from his armpits wafts into my nose and I resist the urge to gag. I’m about an hour late to his going away party. Honestly I wasn’t even going to show up, but then Douglas texted me that there was food. Not just any food, Pizza.
“Yeah sorry I’m late, there was so much traffic. I think there was an accident or something..I don’t know. So uh I’m starving, I better eat before I get sick..” I let my sentence trail off as my eyes dart around the room, looking for the kitchen.
“Oh sure, uh them sure be some pizza left. The kitchen is around that corner.” He says. I almost sprint to the where he points.
“DEREK!” A voice calls me and I stop in my tracks. Shit, it can’t be. Why the fuck is my ex-girlfriend at Joseph’s going away party?” I turn around to face her.
“I had no idea you would be here.” She says using the same fake bitch smile she used when she broke up with me. I clear my throat before speaking. “Yeah..well Joseph and I are pretty tight.” I lie. She gives me that look like when she knows I’m bullshitting, but she doesn’t press the matter.
“Oh cool…So are you still working over at Water Park?” She asks with a smirk. My stomach grumbles, both in hunger and irritation. I sigh and carefully calculate my next sentence.
“No, actually I work at the accounting office up near Northridge. Do you still sleep around with guy’s way older than you?” I say smiling. The look she gives me is so deadly I can almost feel my bones being crushed. Before she can reply I dart off in the direction of the kitchen.
Again the heavenly scent of pizza fills my nose and I turn the corner and see it. There on the table in an open brown box is one slice of pepperoni pizza. It’s like cupid has shot me with his arrow and I’m in love.
My mouth begins to water as I make my way towards it. I can’t wait to taste it. The pepperoni’s will be the perfect stage between soft and crunchy, and they will be sitting on a beautiful blanket of that warm melty cheese. Oh so many different flavors of cheese. American, mozzarella, some other one I don’t know yet it tastes so damn good. And that blanket of cheese will sit on that warm delicious sauce with all its spices. Shit man..so many amazing spices. But the thing that really brings a pizza together is the crust. Any crust is good in my book, but I could see this was deep dish. Oh lord, deep dish. It’s a crunchy, buttery, heavenly experience when you eat the crust. It was gonna be all mine in just two more steps.
“Oh sweet there’s one last slice. “ Mark grabs the last slicing, shoving into his fat face. I can feel my heart drop into my shoes. I stand there in pure shock. He just ate my slice of pizza. MY slice of fucking pizza. “YOU FUCKING SON OF BITCH!” I yell. Mark looks over at me, his eyes wide and the last bit of crust still stuck between his teeth. The whole party becomes quiet.
“THAT WAS MY FUCKING SLICE OF PIZZA! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’VE DONE JUST FOR THAT SLICE?” I ask, my anger levels rising.
“I physically had to come to this fucking party with all you dumbasses. I had to smell Joseph’s fucking armpit. Do you think I actually came here to say goodbye? And then fucking Jessica, my super slut of an ex-girlfriend just happens to be here. She doesn’t even know Joseph, or at least I thought she didn’t. But now I’m pretty sure she’s fucked him too! MAYBE EVEN WHILE WE WERE GOING OUT!” Everyone is the kitchen now, watching in complete shock as I rant on.
“And just when I think I have finally found something to end the depression in my shit life, that comes in the form of mother fucking pizza, you just go and take it away from me. BRAVO MARK! BRA-FUCKING-VO!” At this point I’m pretty sure I’ve definitely over exaggerated everything. But when it comes to pizza and me, there’s nothing I won’t do.
“What am I gonna eat now Mark? Fucking salad? Yeah I don’t think so. You know what I’m gonna eat? I’m gonna eat your fucking liver!!!” I scream and jump at him. He tries to fight me off, but I dig my nails deep into his stomach, ripping out his liver and shoving into my mouth. He screams in pain and they all begin to scream my name in horror.
“DEREK!! DEREK!!! DEREK!!!!!!!!!”
I wake up with the pillow half way into my mouth. My roommate is looking down at me with concern.
“Dude, you got the munchies or what man? I told you not to go to bed stoned.”
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