I sit in the bath tub letting the
warm water relax my body. It’s been awhile since I’ve taken a bath, especially
one like this. I used to hate taking baths as a kid. Strange to think of how
much I depend on them now. As the steam
rises up from the tub I take a deep breath. I reach over to the corner of the
tub where I keep my cigarettes and lighter. Grabbing
the box in my hand, I take a peek inside. All that’s left is one cigarette and
it seems fit considering the circumstances.
I light up the cigarette and inhale the sickly sweet nicotine, my last cigarette for my last bath.
After taking another long drag I dip the tip of the cigarette in the bath water and listen to it hiss. Closing my eyes I take one last breath before going under the water.
I stay like that for a long time until my body begins to sink further and further down. The shooting pain comes now like millions of pin pricks all across my skin. I can’t help but thrash around in the dark water. As many times as I’ve done this I never get used to the pain. My lungs feel like they are about to burst when suddenly I break to the surface. I am no longer in my apartment bath tub in San Francisco, and no longer am I twenty-four years old.
I am in Maine, in my old home with the claw-foot bath tub. Bubbles upon bubbles surround me as I sit in the warm water. I am six years old. My beautiful mother is sitting on the bathroom room floor right up against the tub and she’s reading me a story.
“And the King said to the Queen ‘We only have four days left till the celebration! We must prepare at once.’ Away they went gathering supplies.” I smiled, the child-like innocence filling within me like it always does. Only this time it was bittersweet. I look down at the bubbles and start playing with them. My mom stops in the middle of the story. “Sweetie what’s wrong? I thought you loved this story?” A twinge of panic goes through me as I realize I’m not acting how I should.
“It is my favorite Momma! I’m sorry I promise I’ll pay attention.” I say. When you go to the past there are things you can’t mess with, especially with a time zone as sensitive as the one I’m in.
“Alright then, one more chapter and it’s off to bed. Don’t want you turning into a raisin now do we?” She says smiling at me. It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces, but I just smile back and laugh.
She keeps reading me the story and I wish it didn’t have to end. I can’t leave this bathtub, or else I’ll be stuck in the past doomed to relive my life again. I’ll have to watch my mother die all over again, and it’s the one thought that keeps me from getting out of this tub.
“And they all lived happily ever after, The End.” The story ends just like it always does, with a happy ending. But not for me, I have to go back to a future without my mother in it.
“Thank you for reading me my story Momma!” I tell her. “Can I have my special towel tonight?” I ask her. It’s the same thing I’ve always asked every time I come here.
“Of course sweetie, let me go grab it okay?” She says. I think of the bright green towel with the frog on it. It was one of my favorite things as a child and my nostalgia gets the best of me.
I take a deep breath and plunge beneath the surface of the bubbles, holding my breath until I feel my body begin to sink. Farther and farther it goes and I brace myself for the pain. Only it doesn’t come this time, I feel only a cold chill. I begin to panic underneath the water, wondering why I’ve never felt this sensation before. Suddenly I’m rising to the surface fast than I ever have before.
Strong hands pull me to the surface as I cough and gag for breath.
“SUMMER?! Are you okay? SUMMER?” I open my eyes to find someone I’ve never met. A handsome stranger who is holding my naked body. I stare at him with fear in my eyes.
“What the hell were you doing?” He asks me. I don’t answer; I just keep staring at him as the realization dawns on me. I’ve done something wrong to the chain of time. Something was changed, somehow someway and now a stranger whom I’ve never met is in my house.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asks me with concerned eyes. That’s when I know he’s not just any stranger; he’s a stranger who’s in love with me. But what did I do wrong? What did I change? I think back to what I might have done and that’s when it hits me. I always told my mother I loved her, before she went and grabbed my special towel. I didn’t say it this time, I was too wrapped up in having to say goodbye to her forever. My heart aches from the knowledge that I’ll never get to tell her I love her again. Suddenly I’m crying and my handsome stranger is there, helping me out of the bath tub, wrapping me in a warm towel.
“Shhh it’s okay Summer. I’m here okay? I’m here.” He comforts me. I knew it was stupid messing with the past, but somehow with my handsome stranger holding me, It doesn’t feel like it was a mistake. It almost feels like it’s meant to have happened. That’s when I look down and see I’m wrapped up in a lime green towel with little frogs on it.
I light up the cigarette and inhale the sickly sweet nicotine, my last cigarette for my last bath.
After taking another long drag I dip the tip of the cigarette in the bath water and listen to it hiss. Closing my eyes I take one last breath before going under the water.
I stay like that for a long time until my body begins to sink further and further down. The shooting pain comes now like millions of pin pricks all across my skin. I can’t help but thrash around in the dark water. As many times as I’ve done this I never get used to the pain. My lungs feel like they are about to burst when suddenly I break to the surface. I am no longer in my apartment bath tub in San Francisco, and no longer am I twenty-four years old.
I am in Maine, in my old home with the claw-foot bath tub. Bubbles upon bubbles surround me as I sit in the warm water. I am six years old. My beautiful mother is sitting on the bathroom room floor right up against the tub and she’s reading me a story.
“And the King said to the Queen ‘We only have four days left till the celebration! We must prepare at once.’ Away they went gathering supplies.” I smiled, the child-like innocence filling within me like it always does. Only this time it was bittersweet. I look down at the bubbles and start playing with them. My mom stops in the middle of the story. “Sweetie what’s wrong? I thought you loved this story?” A twinge of panic goes through me as I realize I’m not acting how I should.
“It is my favorite Momma! I’m sorry I promise I’ll pay attention.” I say. When you go to the past there are things you can’t mess with, especially with a time zone as sensitive as the one I’m in.
“Alright then, one more chapter and it’s off to bed. Don’t want you turning into a raisin now do we?” She says smiling at me. It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces, but I just smile back and laugh.
She keeps reading me the story and I wish it didn’t have to end. I can’t leave this bathtub, or else I’ll be stuck in the past doomed to relive my life again. I’ll have to watch my mother die all over again, and it’s the one thought that keeps me from getting out of this tub.
“And they all lived happily ever after, The End.” The story ends just like it always does, with a happy ending. But not for me, I have to go back to a future without my mother in it.
“Thank you for reading me my story Momma!” I tell her. “Can I have my special towel tonight?” I ask her. It’s the same thing I’ve always asked every time I come here.
“Of course sweetie, let me go grab it okay?” She says. I think of the bright green towel with the frog on it. It was one of my favorite things as a child and my nostalgia gets the best of me.
I take a deep breath and plunge beneath the surface of the bubbles, holding my breath until I feel my body begin to sink. Farther and farther it goes and I brace myself for the pain. Only it doesn’t come this time, I feel only a cold chill. I begin to panic underneath the water, wondering why I’ve never felt this sensation before. Suddenly I’m rising to the surface fast than I ever have before.
Strong hands pull me to the surface as I cough and gag for breath.
“SUMMER?! Are you okay? SUMMER?” I open my eyes to find someone I’ve never met. A handsome stranger who is holding my naked body. I stare at him with fear in my eyes.
“What the hell were you doing?” He asks me. I don’t answer; I just keep staring at him as the realization dawns on me. I’ve done something wrong to the chain of time. Something was changed, somehow someway and now a stranger whom I’ve never met is in my house.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asks me with concerned eyes. That’s when I know he’s not just any stranger; he’s a stranger who’s in love with me. But what did I do wrong? What did I change? I think back to what I might have done and that’s when it hits me. I always told my mother I loved her, before she went and grabbed my special towel. I didn’t say it this time, I was too wrapped up in having to say goodbye to her forever. My heart aches from the knowledge that I’ll never get to tell her I love her again. Suddenly I’m crying and my handsome stranger is there, helping me out of the bath tub, wrapping me in a warm towel.
“Shhh it’s okay Summer. I’m here okay? I’m here.” He comforts me. I knew it was stupid messing with the past, but somehow with my handsome stranger holding me, It doesn’t feel like it was a mistake. It almost feels like it’s meant to have happened. That’s when I look down and see I’m wrapped up in a lime green towel with little frogs on it.
No comments:
Post a Comment